abcprincess (abcprincess) wrote,

i have a job interview today, a tree crashed through my back window, i need to write my 20 page paper, Lyric is pissed at me (with reason, i suppose).....the lists.....we went to a bar last night...i got into this conversation at the bar before the band came on (while lyric was talking to other friends) about this girl's she has 10 other siblings, 9 of those are adopted including herself, how she can't find her parents, how she hates her adopted parents, that we are both pisces and have BA's in english, etc etc...and then the band came on and she asked "do you wanna finish this in the bathroom?" and i know she's not gay--her boyfriend is sitting next to her and she makes 3 references on how much she loves him (although you never know--but whatever) i say "sure" although i do think twice cause it doesn't look too good even though it is we go in the bathroom and talk....people come in to pee, we talk..they leave, we leave...this whole episode was probably around 30 mins i guess...and i come out and some boy is talking to lyric...i sit and drink...then the boy and lyric are finished talking..i jokingly ask her "did you notice i was gone?" and she says, "no" and i then i tell her about this girl and her life and how i thought it was a bit circumspect that she wanted me to go in the bathroom, but she really just wanted to talk to someone about herself..and blah blah.............time passes.........we drink..............i tell lyric she can't drive home and she tells me to "stop doing this" eventually she looks like she can drive so we go home. We get here and i ask her a question while she's on the computer about GA tax forms or something...and she answers in annoyance....real annoyance, not the sighing kind...she's annoyed as i'm kinda confused and upset (although i should've just let it go...she's allowed to snap at me every once in a while...even if hse does do it every time she drinks).....this eventually turns into a fight about how she needs time for her cause making me happy is exhausting...this all comes from the fact that she DID notice i was gone with that girl and lied about it......??....why? i don't know.....maybe she didn't want to make a scene at the bar? yeah. who knows.....but we eventually wind up crying...and a friend we were out with calls me today and asks if lyric is pissed at HER because of something that happened with a bouncer...."what? i don't think so"....but who knows? maybe she is.....and lyric says she's never been able to express herself before so it's hard for her...apparently, to tell the truth when it comes to her feelings.....if she's pissed, i find out 5 days after the incident in some other i supposed to read her mind? yes, i know i have my faults...i know things about me are very difficult, etc etc but i do know what my feelings are and i know how to express them....i just don't know what to do with this situation.....and she's probably going to read this anyways and be kinda annoyed i wrote anything about her but she won't tell wish she would've told me "good luck on your interview" this morning when she left.....but she forgot anything about it.....she somehow thinks that buying me things makes me "happy" in the fullest sense of the word....i guess i gave her that impression...and i know this relationship can't always be about me......but i just don't get how she feels she needs to think about her when she does already...she says she thinks about me all day but, that's not the same as remembering my job interview, per se......i guess she thinks that she is always trying to make me happy because i vocalize what i want and she doesn't....i'm really trying to sit back and look at this whole thing objectively..and when i do, i know that i should stop asking for things....for anything.....just let them come...i just feel that by asking, the other person knows where you stand and they don't have to be a mind-reader....just seems easier all the way around.....she did let me borrow her car the other day, which made things difficult on her....and she does lots of things...the problem, in part, is that she thinks i do she's the emotional and monetary "breadwinner" (which is true in the money sense) but where did she get the emotional part from?? I don't get panic attacks--not that i can use that against her but i don't get how she can be the emotional breadwinner when she can't express how she feels! and why is there a breadwinner here anyways?? why does hse feel that she carries everything in this relationship?? what do i do about this?? ugh! i'm off to stop thinking and to get ready for my interview....tune in for next week's episode (like sands through the hour glass) of psycho babble....
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